دلبستگی اضطرابی یا همان دلبستگی نا ایمن، به الگوی رفتاری در روابط اشاره دارد که در آن فرد به طور مداوم از رها شدن می ترسد. In simpler terms, a person with anxious attachment is always worried that their emotional partner will leave them and therefore tries to control them. This type of attachment exists in children and adults. We will explain more in the following text.

How is anxious attachment created?

Anxious attachment is one of the types of insecure attachment styles, which is associated with a deep feeling of insecurity in emotional relationships. People with this attachment style usually have a constant worry about rejection and constantly seek reassurance, attention and approval from the other party. This concern can make the relationship become a source of stress and heartbreak for them. In this attachment style, the fear of being alone plays a prominent role, and the person shows great sensitivity to any distance, coldness or inattention. Such situations often result in strong emotional reactions and may lead to overly dependent or controlling behaviors in the relationship.

When does the attachment pattern along with anxiety is created?

The attachment pattern with anxiety is one of the types of insecure attachment styles, which is usually rooted in childhood experiences, such as instability in receiving affection or unstable parental responses. When a child has not received enough and consistent love, security, or attention in their relationship with their parents or caregivers. If the parents were sometimes kind and sometimes cold or indifferent, the child learns that in order to maintain the relationship, he must be constantly worried, alert and dependent. The same pattern appears in adulthood in the form of fear of abandonment, high sensitivity to the behavior of the other party, and a strong need for constant approval and attention from one's emotional partner, as well as constant closeness and reassurance. They may exhibit controlling, sensitive, or overly dependent behavior due to fear of losing the relationship. This attachment style can make relationships tense and unstable, unless the person moves towards a safe attachment pattern with proper recognition and treatment.

Anxious attachment style in children

During childhood, children naturally and instinctively seek comfort from their primary caregiver, usually the mother. If the caregiver responds appropriately to the child's needs and feelings, this experience can form a secure attachment pattern. For example, when a baby cries and looks at the mother and the mother quickly hugs and soothes the baby, the baby understands that its needs are met and feels safe.

However, if parents or guardians are not available and do not consistently respond to the child's needs, the child may feel emancipated and rejected. And to review the form Disruption Anxietywill struggle. This experience can create feelings such as anxiety, insecurity and fear in the child. The feeling of needing to be loved is one of the basic needs that exist in every human being, and childhood experiences in relation to the main caregivers can have lasting effects on the child and over time affect the attachment patterns in adult relationships as well.

symptoms of anxious attachment in children

Children with anxious attachment usually show strong reactions to separation from their parents and constantly seek attention and reassurance. Even in the presence of a caregiver, these children may feel insecure and find it difficult to calm down. For more information on the article separation anxiety disorder Read.

1. Anxiety: These children show a higher level of anxiety compared to other children

2. Fear of strangers: They feel uncomfortable and afraid when facing unfamiliar people or situations

3. Severe separation distress: When separated from their parents or primary caregivers, they show severe distress such as excessive crying.

4. Difficulty calming down: Parents have challenges calming down children with an anxious attachment style

5. Strong dependence on parents and caregivers: These children seek more contact with their parents or caregivers

6. Compared to children with a secure attachment style, children with anxious attachment explore their environment less independently and prefer to stay close to their parents or caregivers.

7. Difficulty regulating negative emotions: They struggle with managing and controlling negative emotions such as anger, sadness, or frustration.

8. Challenges in establishing relationships with peers: Children with anxious attachment style have difficulty establishing positive and healthy relationships with their peers.

symptoms of attachment anxiety in adults

• Constant need for contact and support from others: Have a constant desire for reassurance, approval and emotional closeness from their partner or others
• Fear of not being noticed: Worried about being easily ignored or forgotten by their partner or others.
• Feeling of uncertainty and doubt about whether you can count on an emotional partner or not.
• Sensitivity to rejection and abandonment: These people are highly sensitive to any sign of rejection, criticism, or abandonment, which can cause feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and emotional distress.
• The need to strengthen feelings of trust in relation to a romantic partner
• Negative self-esteem: These people have low self-esteem
• Being alert to signs that your partner is withdrawing: These people are sensitive to any signs that their partner is withdrawing or emotionally unavailable, which can cause anxiety.
• Worried about losing their partner: Often worried about losing their partner.

Note: It's important to remember that these symptoms exist on a spectrum, and not every person with an anxious attachment style will experience them all.

attachment anxiety treatment

Treatment should be done as soon as possible, because this style of anxiety will cause many consequences in a person's social life. In the following, we have provided various types of treatments with suitable explanations. If you are interested in this discussion, you can read the article Interpersonal Therapy (IPT)

This type of therapy is a therapeutic approach that can be helpful for people who experience attachment anxiety. During IPT, the therapist helps the person identify and resolve problematic patterns in their relationships. People learn to express their needs and feelings effectively, develop healthy boundaries, and improve their interpersonal skills. The therapist helps the person build stronger connections and reduce anxiety. With practice, people can learn to develop more secure attachments.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT)

Cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is an effective treatment for attachment anxiety. Through CBT, people learn to identify and challenge negative thought patterns and beliefs that cause them anxiety in relationships. This type of therapy helps people to modify perceptions about themselves and others and have healthier and more balanced perspectives. By practicing new skills, people can reduce anxiety and develop more secure attachments.

drug therapy

In cases where a person has been diagnosed with both attachment anxiety and an anxiety disorder, medication is prescribed to help manage symptoms. One of the commonly prescribed medications is selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs), such as sertraline. SSRIs work by increasing serotonin levels in the brain, which can help regulate mood and reduce anxiety. These drugs are taken daily and it takes a few weeks to show their full effects.

treatment of anxiety dependence and achievement of relaxation in relationship

Treating anxiety dependency and achieving peace in the relationship is a path that begins with self-awareness and inner reconstruction. People who suffer from this type of dependence usually become extremely dependent on the other party for fear of being rejected or left alone, and this dependence causes emotional instability and tension in the relationship. Treatment of this pattern includes strengthening self-esteem, learning to regulate emotions, recognizing incorrect behavior patterns and creating healthy boundaries in the relationship. Psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or attachment-based therapy, can help a person identify the roots of their anxiety and replace it with a more secure attachment pattern. As a result, a person achieves a feeling of peace, stability and inner security not only in the relationship but also in his personal life.

Is low self-esteem effective in anxiety dependence?

Yes, with reinforcement

Low self-esteem plays a very important role in the formation and continuation of anxiety dependence. People with low self-esteem usually do not feel adequate within themselves and depend on the approval and affection of others to feel valued. This constant need for approval makes them sensitive and anxious to the slightest signs of neglect or distance in the relationship. In fact, because these people don't see themselves as lovable or worthy, they constantly worry that the other person will leave or dislike them, and this worry leads to dependent, controlling, or needy behaviors. Therefore, strengthening self-esteem is one of the key steps in reducing anxiety dependency and achieving healthier relationships.

Insecure attachment and the pain of not feeling secure in love

Insecure attachment makes people not feel comfortable and secure in romantic relationships and always worry about loss or rejection. This condition makes a person unable to trust his partner well and always in doubt. Over time, this feeling of instability and insecurity can make relationships tense and full of misunderstandings, making it difficult for a person to experience true peace and contentment. In this situation, being aware of this pattern and trying to change it can help improve the quality of relationships and give people the opportunity to experience love more safely and confidently.

Frequently asked questions about anxious attachment

Conclusion

While attachment anxiety includes fear of abandonment and attempts to exert control in relationships, it is important to note that this is not a fixed or unchanging pattern. With awareness and adopting the right approach, people with anxious attachment can create safer and healthier relationships. The therapeutic approaches of interpersonal therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication can help people understand the underlying causes of their anxious attachment and develop strategies to manage their fears, improve communication skills, and strengthen more secure attachments. Getting rid of anxious attachment patterns and creating satisfactory and mutually supportive relationships is possible.