What is the difference between healthy perfectionism and strict standards?
Mohammad Pirizi
TehranCounselor and psychologist
What is the difference between healthy perfectionism and strict criteria schema?
What is the difference between healthy perfectionism and strict standards?When you have to be perfect all the time: Recognizing the schema of strict standards
Many times we unconsciously try to be the best in the eyes of others; In work, study or any social role. This desire to be perfect is sometimes so rooted in us that even the smallest mistake destroys us. Everything must be precise, perfect and exemplary, otherwise it will make us feel like a failure. But have you ever wondered where this constant pressure to be perfect comes from? Why do some of us do not see any point to stop or rest and keep drowning ourselves in the path of competition and strictness?
One of the reasons that can explain such behavior is the existence of a strict criteria scheme. This pattern forces a person to measure himself only by achievements and not accept any weakness.
In this article from the psychology clinic, we are going to examine the schema of strict standards in simple language and see how it can be recognized and step by step be freed from its heavy burden. If you or someone around you is always living under the constant pressure of "I have to be better", this article is for you.
What is the strict criteria schema?
Some of us are always looking to be perfect in any situation. It's as if an inner pressure compels us to always be the best, without the slightest slip-up. This mental model, which in psychology is called "strict criteria schema", is rooted in the beliefs that were formed in us as children or teenagers.
A person who is involved in the schema of strict standards, not only judges himself harshly, but also expects others to behave like him. High expectations, extreme perfectionism and extreme sensitivity to error are the characteristic features of this mental pattern. These people make repeated efforts to validate themselves, and when something doesn't go their way, they feel guilty, angry, or worthless. Instead of leading to growth and success, these standards often cause chronic anxiety, constant dissatisfaction, and strained relationships. A person caught in this mental trap cannot even accept the work of others without objection and is constantly evaluating and criticizing excessively. These same behaviors may also create similarities with obsessive personality disorder.
Knowing this schema is the first step in the path of change. If you feel that you are always under the pressure of "shoulds" and "shouldn'ts", maybe it's time to be a little kinder to yourself.
The root of the strict criteria schema
The strict standards schema is usually formed from childhood, when a person experiences having to meet very strict and unrealistic standards in order to gain approval, love, or a sense of worth. These pressures may come from overly strict parents, competitive educational environments, or family cultures that highly praise achievement and perfection. In this situation, the child learns that he can be accepted or valuable only if he meets very high standards.
According to Geoffrey Young in his book:
“Schema Therapy: A Practitioner's Guide” (1999)
A strict standards schema is formed when parents or caregivers convey messages such as "You must always be the best," "You must never make mistakes," or "If you're not successful, you're not lovable." As a result of this pattern, the person believes that he must do all the work with excellent quality without rest or mistakes, in order to avoid rejection or criticism.
Characteristics of people with strict criteria schema
People who are influenced by the schema of strict criteria, usually try continuously and intensively to reach their goals, and in this way, they bring significant psychological pressure to themselves. These pressures never disappear completely and these people, even in difficult situations, consider themselves obliged to continue the path of success and continue their efforts without stopping.
One of the important characteristics of these people is that their motivation and perseverance usually originates from within and from their own hearts, and their goal is personal satisfaction and success, not to attract the attention or approval of others. Anxiety is one of the obvious behavioral characteristics of these people; The constant worry about falling behind the goals makes them to work hard, but this excessive anxiety often prevents them from fully achieving the desired success, and even if a person gets close to his goals, he may not be able to fully realize them due to mental pressure.
Another common behavior of these people is work addiction; So that they don't stop working until they get the desired result. Despite all the efforts, they often feel that they are not worth enough and do not enjoy their daily life, social relationships and even their jobs.These people are not sensitive to the criticisms and reactions of others and continue their efforts, because they stick to their personal criteria and standards and try to maintain them. Also, due to severe anxiety, their mind is always busy with the fact that they don't have enough time to do everything, and this makes them even criticize themselves and those around them.
Despite physical and mental fatigue, these people hardly rest and are constantly trying. A lot of attention to details and complete control of the process of doing things are other signs of them.
Finally, such behavioral characteristics show that these people, after being diagnosed by a psychologist, are in dire need of treatment and support to get rid of the heavy burden of the strict criteria schema.
Effect of strict criteria schema on emotional relationships
People who are trapped in the schema of strict standards are usually attracted to those who have certain characteristics. These people may be looking for a life partner who can take the burden of daily pressure off their shoulders to some extent. Sometimes the opposite of this happens and they are attracted to a person who is disorganized or negligent.
They are usually drawn to those whose love and affection is conditional on behavior and success, just like the relationship they experienced with their parents. Also, these people tend to be with those who have a high position in the financial, occupational or social field, or who seem very successful and credible.
Sometimes they are attracted to people who are simple and carefree or who are meticulous, obsessive and strict like themselves. Some of them prefer their partner to be in a lower position financially or professionally so that they can be proud of him in some way.
In some cases, a relationship is formed when both parties are busy with work and effort and have little time to be together, but due to the love of joint activity and perseverance, this relationship continues.
Ways to treat the strict criteria schema
To overcome the schema of strict criteria that causes mental pressure and extreme perfectionism, it is necessary for a person to refer to a psychologist who specializes in schema therapy. This type of treatment is carried out with the aim of accurately identifying destructive thinking and behavioral patterns formed during childhood or adolescence.
At first, the psychologist identifies the person's active schemas by conducting specialized interviews and using standard tests. This step is very important because each person may have a combination of several schemas, and knowing them completely makes the path of treatment smoother.
After the accurate diagnosis, the psychologist helps the person to understand the roots of these limiting patterns and learn ways to change them by using specialized schema therapy methods. This process includes teaching coping skills, changing false beliefs and learning new and healthier behaviors.
One of the most important goals of schema therapy is to create a balance between trying to progress and accepting yourself with all your flaws and limitations. As a result, a person can reduce the psychological pressure caused by strict criteria and experience a more satisfying and quality life.
Finally, continuous companionship with a psychologist and persistence in doing exercises and therapeutic techniques is the key to success in changing this schema. If you feel that these patterns have affected your life, remember that getting help and starting the path of treatment can be a starting point for a better and calmer life.
Summary
The main problem with the strict standards scheme is that the person loses his distance from his true nature and natural needs. When all the focus is on success, order and social status, basic physical, mental and communication needs are neglected and life loses its balance.
If you feel under the pressure of these strict standards and are looking for a way to change, Dr. Mohammad Pirizi, an experienced psychologist in Tehran, is ready to accompany you by using schema therapy method so that you can put aside these destructive patterns and live a healthier life.
To coordinate and make an appointment, just call the clinic and book your appointment. The professional team of Pirosh Psychology Clinic is ready to respond and support you to be with you on the path of mental recovery.
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