«White marriage from a psychological perspective: Is this relationship an emotional failure?

Change in marriage priorities; Transition from tradition to modernity

The first step to understand marriage criteria for boys in the new age is to accept the changing roles. In the past, the marriage model was often based on the breadwinner and the housewife But today, with the widespread entry of women into the field of work and education, men are looking for a partner who is not only their wife, but also their teammate.

Research shows that criteria such as education, social intelligence and intellectual independence, which were perhaps lower priorities two decades ago, have now risen to the top of the list of marriage criteria for boys. This change shows the intellectual maturity of the new generation and the understanding of the fact that physical beauty may be enough to start a relationship, but for it to last in today's complex world, more powerful tools are needed.

5 realistic criteria of marriage for today's boys

Let's skip the generalities and go to concrete and vital criteria. These are the factors that family psychologists emphasize.

1. Emotional maturity and emotional intelligence

Perhaps the most important item on the list of marriage criteria for boys is emotional maturity. A girl who can manage her emotions, talk when angry, not angry, and has the ability to empathize, is a rare gem. Life together is full of challenges and you need someone who is part of the solution, not part of the problem.

2. Alignment in values ​​and goals; Not necessarily

interests

Many guys make the mistake of looking for someone who has exactly the same hobbies as them (for example, they both love soccer or gaming). But what guarantees the survival of marriage is shared values. Are your views on money, childbearing, religion and family status the same? Differences in interests make life attractive, but differences in values destroy it.

3. Independence and individual identity

In the new age, heavy dependence (both emotional and financial) is no longer attractive. One of the most key marriage criteria for boys today is to have a wife who has an independent identity, pursues her personal goals, and does not tie her happiness to her husband alone. A woman who has a richer personal world injects more energy and dynamism into the relationship.

4. Appearance attractiveness and relationship chemistry

Let's be honest; Appearance attractiveness is still important and it is wrong to ignore it; But its definition has changed. Instead of following unrealistic Instagram standards, guys should look for someone who is attractive to them and has a real sexual and emotional pull between them. This initial tension is the fuel to move the relationship through difficult times.

5. Responsibility and life skills

Home management, financial management and problem solving skills are not gendered skills. As a man is expected to be responsible, one of the marriage criteria for boys should also be to find a wife who accepts her share in managing the ship of life and does not ignore it.

The importance of the standard of beauty in marriage

One of the most controversial topics in the discussion of marriage criteria for boys is the place of physical beauty. Media and social networks promote perfectionistic standards of beauty that are often far from reality. Many guys fall into the comparison trap and look for the perfect wife. But the psychology of love says that normalization is a natural brain process. Even the most beautiful faces become normal for the wife after some time and what remains is morality, kindness and mutual understanding. Of course, the presence of sexual tension and liking the appearance of the other party is a necessary condition for starting a relationship, but it is not a sufficient condition for its continuation.

Smart boys know that physical beauty may change over time (aging, pregnancy, and various other conditions in life), but the beauty of character and character is an asset that becomes more valuable with time. Therefore, in determining marriage criteria for boys, giving too much weight to the appearance and neglecting the inside is a big risk that can lead to regret.

The role of the family in choosing a wife for boys

Despite the modernization of the society, the role of the family is still one of the influential components in Iranian marriages. In the past, the family was the main decision-maker, but today their role has changed to that of "consultant". However, "family approval" and "cultural compatibility of families" are still among the marriage criteria for boys that should not be ignored.

Marriage is the union of two clans, not just two people. If the families are tense, the smoke goes directly into the eyes of the young couple. Boys must find a delicate balance between independence of choice and respect for family opinion. Using Family Counseling Services can help boys manage this balance and make a stress-free choice that will both satisfy themselves and gain family support.

Comparison of traditional marriage standards for boys against modern standards

The following table will help you better understand the paradigm shift in choosing a spouse and see where you stand on this spectrum:

criterion	Traditional attitude	modern attitude
Female role	housekeeping and motherhood	Participation in building life, personal and social growth
Education and job	Less important (sometimes considered an obstacle)	very important (sign of social understanding and maturity)
Responsibility	Absolute speech from the husband	Consensus, constructive criticism and joint decision-making
Spouse selection	by mother and sister	personal recognition with family consultation
Marriage Age	The younger the girl, the better	Fitness is more important than age in intellectual maturity

Common mistakes of boys in choosing a wife

In determining marriage criteria for boys, there are pitfalls that can lead to wrong choices:

• Marriage to change the other party: "I'll fix it after marriage"; This is the biggest lie you tell yourself. You are marrying the other person's current reality, not their future potential.
• Focusing solely on sexual chemistry: is important, but if it's the only reason for marriage, the relationship becomes meaningless as the initial passion fades.
• Escape loneliness or family pressure: Marriage is not a solution to personal problems or to please others. These motivations are loose foundations for a lifelong edifice.

Last word: a choice for a lifetime

Determining marriage criteria for boys is a personal process. There is no one-size-fits-all version. But one principle is constant: self-knowledge is a prerequisite for other-knowledge. Before you start looking for the perfect person, you need to know who you are and what you want from life. A combination of reason and emotion, realism and love is the key to a successful choice.

If you need guidance on this winding path, remember that counselors clear path can be your beacon. To walk more confidently on the common path. Choosing a spouse is the most important investment in your life; Do it smart.

FAQ

1. Is the difference in the financial level of families in marriage an important criterion?

Yes, economic adequacy (or appropriateness) is one of the important criteria for marriage. Strong class differences can lead to differences in lifestyles, expectations, and entertainment, which will cause tension in the long run. This does not mean exact equality, but rather a closeness of economic culture.

2. How much should I care about the other party's past in marriage?

People's past is part of their identity today, but it should not be the only criterion for judgment. It is important that a person has learned from past experiences and has a healthy and committed personality today. Obsessive sensitivity to the past can destroy the present and the future of the relationship.

3. Are premarital personality tests really helpful?

Definitely. Tests such as MBTI or NEO and expert premarital counseling reveal hidden layers of personality that are not seen in romantic encounters. These tools will show you whether your marriage criteria apply to the other person or not and where the potential points of conflict are in the future.