Do you consider yourself a perfectionist? Most people who consider themselves perfectionists are proud of it and see it as one of their good moral qualities. But there is a big difference between perfectionist people and successful people, being a successful person is much better than considering yourself a perfectionist, if you see perfectionist tendencies in yourself, it is necessary to find solutions to overcome them. Perfectionism can rob you of peace of mind and self-esteem and prevent you from enjoying your life. Eliminating perfectionism is a time-consuming process, but it can greatly reduce your daily stress. What is perfectionism? Perfectionism is a personality trait in which a person constantly strives to achieve very high and unrealistic standards. Perfectionists often feel that even the smallest mistake or imperfection is unacceptable, and they attach their self-worth to their achievements. This trait can be positive in some cases (such as the willingness to try harder), but it usually has negative effects by causing stress, frustration, and low self-confidence. Read more: Negative perfectionism Causes of perfectionism Perfectionism can be caused by a variety of factors, including: ### Childhood experiences - Having strict or critical parents. - Receiving conditional love (when love and acceptance are based on one's success). ### Cultural and social factors - Social pressures to succeed. - Society's emphasis on competition and excellence. ### Personality and psychological factors - Having low self-esteem. - Fear of failure or criticism. ### Genetics and biology Some research shows that personality traits such as perfectionism can be genetic. Signs of perfectionism Perfectionism can appear in a person's behavior, thoughts and feelings in the following ways: ### Mental symptoms: - Having a constant fear of making mistakes. Too much focus on results rather than process. Having all-or-nothing thoughts (either I do it completely or I don't do it at all) Feeling dissatisfied even after achieving success. - Mental and emotional fatigue. Read more: Sexual dysfunction Ways to recognize perfectionism The diagnosis of perfectionism is usually made by psychologists or psychotherapists and includes the following steps: ### Clinical interview The psychologist evaluates the degree of perfectionism by asking about the thinking and behavioral patterns of the person. ### Questionnaires Instruments such as the Multidimensional Perfectionism Scale are used to measure different aspects of this trait. ### Review of individual history A psychologist examines background factors, such as childhood experiences or family relationships. ### Impact on life The amount of disruption that perfectionism has caused on a person's professional, academic or social life is measured. The difference between perfectionists and successful people A perfectionist and a successful person may both work hard to achieve their goals, but there are fundamental differences in how they think, behave, and approach: ### Attitude towards goals and standards perfectionist - Has very high standards that are often unrealistic and difficult or impossible to achieve. Even after achieving the goal, he does not feel satisfied and looks for flaws. - Fear of failure is the main motivation of his efforts. **successful person** - He sets his goals based on reality and his abilities. He feels satisfied with his achievements and enjoys the process of learning and growing. - His main motivation is the love of learning and improvement, not the fear of failure. ### Attitude towards failure and mistakes perfectionist - considers mistakes unacceptable and blames himself severely. - He is afraid of failure and may avoid doing certain things or postpone them to avoid mistakes. **successful person** - He sees mistakes as an opportunity to learn and uses them to improve his performance. - Accepts failure as part of the process of success and is not discouraged by it. ### Self-attitude and personal value perfectionist - He ties his personal value to his performance and achievements. - If he does not reach his goal, he feels worthless. **successful person** - Accepts himself as a valuable person, even if he does not achieve all his goals. - He enjoys his life and considers success only a part of happiness. ### Stress management and mental health perfectionist - Due to high pressure on himself, he often experiences stress, anxiety and mental fatigue. - He may suffer from problems such as depression or burnout. **successful person** - Maintains work-life balance and takes care of himself. - Acts more calmly and logically in the face of challenges. Here are some steps you can take to have a healthier attitude: A few steps to have a healthier attitude: ### **Analyze the pros and cons of being a perfectionist** Take a closer look at the traits of a perfectionist. You might think to yourself that being a perfectionist is very good and effective, but think about it, what cost will you bear for it? Perfectionism has many negative consequences and you have experienced some of them by now. If you make a list of negative consequences, you will be more motivated to eliminate them. ### **Know your inclinations better** You may not realize how pervasive perfectionism can be, by knowing your tendencies you have a better chance of changing them. One way to do this is to record your perfectionist thoughts somewhere. Writing down your thoughts will help you reflect on situations where you felt like you failed or didn't do well enough, and by reviewing these writings, you will learn more about your perfectionist mindset. ### **Focus on the positives** If you struggle with perfectionism, you look for flaws and mistakes in your or other people's best work. It is hard to break such a habit, but with conscious effort and understanding the positive points of your work and others, you can reduce the focus on the negative points. For example, if you see something about yourself or your work that you don't like, look for five more features that you do like. Over time, such an attitude becomes a habit. ### **Change your inner dialogue** People who are perfectionists, their inner voice is so sharp and negative that it constantly tells them that their work is not good enough and that they are trying hard enough. If you want to overcome perfectionism, you need to work on changing your inner voice. Negative self-talk can damage your self-esteem. ### **Take small steps** Perfectionism is a trait that constantly draws unreasonable idealistic goals for a person and wastes a person's energy along with excessive strictness and intense dissatisfaction. Believe me, you cannot conquer the peak of success once and you have to make the path of success into small steps. Reward yourself with every step you take and forgive your mistakes easily. For example, to exercise 5 times a week, first start with exercising once or twice a week and then increase the number of times after a certain period of time. ### **Enjoy the process** You may be in the habit of focusing on results and punishing yourself if your results are less than perfect. We advise you to enjoy the process and design an enjoyable program to achieve the goal. In fact, an important way to get rid of perfectionism is to focus more on the path and process than on the goal itself. Ways to cure perfectionism Perfectionism can be managed and treated using different strategies. These methods include changing thought patterns, improving behaviors and managing emotions. The most important ways to treat perfectionism are explained below: ### 1. Knowledge and awareness of perfectionism - The first step in the treatment of perfectionism is to recognize this characteristic and its negative effects on life. - Attention to thought patterns and behaviors that cause perfectionism (such as fear of failure or unrealistic expectations). Writing down your thoughts and feelings in a journal can help you better understand when and why you're drifting towards perfectionism. ### 2. Changing thought patterns A) Accepting mistakes - Remind yourself that making mistakes is a natural part of learning and life. Instead of blaming yourself, use mistakes as opportunities to grow. b) **Abandon all or nothing thinking** - Get away from the "all or nothing" perspective and focus on incremental progress. Accept that every step forward is a success, even if it's not perfect. c) Setting realistic goals Adjust your goals based on your current abilities and circumstances. Instead of focusing on the end result, emphasize the effort and the process of doing the work. ### 3. Changing perfectionist behaviors A) **prioritization of tasks** Instead of focusing on minor details, focus on more important tasks. - Try to accept "good enough" and not need to be "absolutely perfect". b) **dealing with procrastination** If you're procrastinating because you're afraid of not getting things done, manage this by breaking tasks down into smaller steps and starting somewhere easy. c) **Practice doing incomplete work** Allow yourself to do something that may not be perfect, but is acceptable. - This exercise will help you reduce the pressure of perfectionism. ### 4. Strengthen self-acceptance - Remember that your value as a human being is not dependent on your achievements. - Practice accepting yourself as you are and paying attention to your positive qualities. - Show yourself kindness and compassion and encourage yourself instead of constantly criticizing. ### 5. Stress and anxiety management A) **Relaxation exercises** Use meditation, yoga or deep breathing techniques to reduce stress. b) **enjoyable activities** - Set aside time to do activities that make you feel relaxed and happy. - These activities can include sports, music, art or spending time with friends. ### 6. Request for professional help A) **cognitive-behavioral psychotherapy (CBT)** CBT is one of the most effective methods for treating perfectionism. This method will help you identify and correct unhealthy thought patterns. b) **Individual consultation** Talking to a counselor or therapist can help you gain a deeper understanding of the roots of perfectionism and learn ways to manage it. c) **support groups** Participating in support groups or group psychotherapy sessions can be helpful. Hearing about other people's experiences can be inspiring and make you feel less alone. ### 7. Practicing gratitude and appreciation Instead of focusing on shortcomings or flaws, focus on the achievements and positive aspects of life. Take time every day to be thankful for what you have. ### 8. Creating balance in life - Try to balance work, fun and rest. - Take time to enjoy life and social relationships. **Conclusion** Although perfectionism can sometimes lead to greater motivation and effort, it usually has negative effects on mental health and may trap a person in a cycle of stress, anxiety, and dissatisfaction. Identifying perfectionism and understanding its causes and symptoms is the first step to managing this trait. With the help of therapeutic strategies such as cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), practicing self-acceptance and focusing on progress instead of perfection, it is possible to reduce the negative effects of perfectionism and achieve a more balanced life.