What is attachment anxiety and how is it treated?

August 8, 1404
9 minutes

Anxious attachment, or insecure attachment, refers to a pattern of behavior in relationships in which a person is constantly afraid of abandonment. In simpler terms, a person with anxious attachment is always worried that their emotional partner will leave them and therefore tries to control them. This type of attachment exists in children and adults. We will explain more in the following text.

How does anxious attachment develop?

Anxious attachment is one of the insecure attachment styles in which a person feels insecure in emotional relationships, constantly worries about being rejected and has an excessive need for approval and attention. These people are often afraid of being alone and show strong emotional reactions to the distance or inattention of the other party.

When does the attachment pattern with anxiety develop?

The attachment pattern with anxiety is one of the types of insecure attachment styles, which is usually rooted in childhood experiences, such as instability in receiving affection or unstable parental responses. When a child has not received enough and consistent love, security, or attention in their relationship with their parents or caregivers. If the parents were sometimes kind and sometimes cold or indifferent, the child learns that in order to maintain the relationship, he must be constantly worried, alert and dependent. The same pattern appears in adulthood in the form of fear of abandonment, high sensitivity to the behavior of the other party, and a strong need for constant approval and attention from one's emotional partner, as well as constant closeness and reassurance. They may exhibit controlling, sensitive, or overly dependent behavior due to fear of losing the relationship. This attachment style can make relationships tense and unstable, unless the person moves towards a safe attachment pattern with proper recognition and treatment.

Anxious attachment style in children

During childhood, children naturally and instinctively seek comfort from their primary caregiver, usually the mother. If the caregiver responds appropriately to the child's needs and feelings, this experience can form a secure attachment pattern. For example, when a baby cries and looks at the mother and the mother quickly hugs and soothes the baby, the baby understands that its needs are met and feels safe.

However, if parents or guardians are not available and do not consistently respond to the child's needs, the child may feel emancipated and rejected. This experience can create feelings such as anxiety, insecurity and fear in the child. The feeling of needing to be loved is one of the basic needs that exist in every human being, and childhood experiences in relation to the main caregivers can have lasting effects on the child and over time affect the attachment patterns in adult relationships as well.

Read more: Anxiety Disorder What is it?

Symptoms of anxious attachment in children

1. Anxiety: These children show a higher level of anxiety compared to other children 2. Fear of strangers: they feel uncomfortable and afraid when facing unfamiliar people or situations. 3. Severe distress when separated from parents: When separated from their parents or primary caregivers, they show severe distress such as excessive crying. 4. Difficulty calming down: Parents have challenges calming down children with an anxious attachment style 5. Strong dependence on parents and caregivers: These children seek more contact with their parents or caregivers

6. Compared to children with a secure attachment style, children with anxious attachment explore their environment less independently and prefer to stay close to their parents or caregivers.

7. Difficulty regulating negative emotions: They struggle with managing and controlling negative emotions such as anger, sadness, or frustration. 8. Challenges in creating relationships with peers: Children with anxious attachment style have problems establishing positive and healthy relationships with their peers.

If you feel like you're always worried about rejection, approval, or overdependence in your relationships, you may be dealing with an anxious attachment style. At the Mehrbad Psychology Clinic, with the help of expert therapists, you can get to know the roots of this pattern, achieve inner security and build healthier relationships. Take an appointment right now for a counseling session and take a serious step to calm your mind and heart.

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Symptoms of anxious attachment in adults

Constant need for contact and support from others: Have a constant desire for reassurance, approval and emotional closeness from their partner or others
Fear of not being noticed: Worried about being easily ignored or forgotten by their partner or others.
Feeling of uncertainty and doubt about whether you can count on an emotional partner or not.
Sensitivity to rejection and abandonment: These people are highly sensitive to any sign of rejection, criticism, or abandonment, which can cause feelings of anxiety, insecurity, and emotional distress.
The need to strengthen feelings of trust in relation to a romantic partner
Negative self-esteem: These people have low self-esteem
Being alert to signs that your partner is withdrawing: These people are sensitive to any signs that their partner is withdrawing or emotionally unavailable, which can cause anxiety.
Worried about losing their partner: Often worried about losing their partner.

Note: It's important to remember that these symptoms exist on a spectrum, and not every person with an anxious attachment style will experience them all.

Read more: Treatment of anxiety

Treatment of anxiety dependence and achieving peace in the relationship

Treating anxiety dependency and achieving peace in the relationship is a path that begins with self-awareness and inner reconstruction. People who suffer from this type of dependence usually become extremely dependent on the other party for fear of being rejected or left alone, and this dependence causes emotional instability and tension in the relationship. Treatment of this pattern includes strengthening self-esteem, learning to regulate emotions, recognizing incorrect behavior patterns and creating healthy boundaries in the relationship. Psychotherapy, especially cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) or attachment-based therapy, can help a person identify the roots of their anxiety and replace it with a more secure attachment pattern. As a result, a person achieves a feeling of peace, stability and inner security not only in the relationship but also in his personal life.

Is low self-esteem effective in anxiety dependence?

Yes, low self-esteem plays a very important role in the formation and continuation of anxiety dependence. People with low self-esteem usually do not feel adequate within themselves and depend on the approval and affection of others to feel valued. This constant need for approval makes them sensitive and anxious to the slightest signs of neglect or distance in the relationship. In fact, because these people don't see themselves as lovable or worthy, they constantly worry that the other person will leave or dislike them, and this worry leads to dependent, controlling, or needy behaviors. Therefore, strengthening self-esteem is one of the key steps in reducing anxiety dependency and achieving healthier relationships.

Insecure attachment and the pain of not feeling safe in love

Insecure attachment makes people not feel comfortable and secure in romantic relationships and always worry about loss or rejection. This condition makes a person unable to trust his partner well and always in doubt. Over time, this feeling of instability and insecurity can make relationships tense and full of misunderstandings, making it difficult for a person to experience true peace and contentment. In this situation, being aware of this pattern and trying to change it can help improve the quality of relationships and give people the opportunity to experience love more safely and confidently.

Conclusion

While attachment anxiety includes fear of abandonment and attempts to exert control in relationships, it is important to note that this is not a fixed or unchanging pattern. With awareness and adopting the right approach, people with anxious attachment can create safer and healthier relationships. The therapeutic approaches of interpersonal therapy and cognitive-behavioral therapy and medication can help people understand the underlying causes of their anxious attachment and develop strategies to manage their fears, improve communication skills, and strengthen more secure attachments. Getting rid of anxious attachment patterns and creating satisfactory and mutually supportive relationships is possible.