Why does a man stay away in love? [8 reasons + intelligent approach]

Awaiting review by the medical team of Darmankade

Why does a man in love stay away? Does that mean he doesn't love me anymore? The fact is that the most common reasons for a man to distance himself from a lover are not always due to a loss of interest. Sometimes men withdraw instead of talking because of love failure or fear of marriage. In this article from Darmankade Health Magazine, we discuss what are the common reasons for a man to distance himself from a lover and how to deal intelligently with a man's distance.

Table of Contents

• 1- Fear of dependence and loss of control
• Previous love failure experiences
• What can be done?
• 3 The pressure of serious relationship responsibility
• 5- Conflict between reason and Feeling
• 6- Expectations Unreal
• 8- A man is not in love, he only loves you

What are the common reasons for a man to distance himself from a lover?

From the perspective of couple therapists and psychologists, these retreats are often rooted in differences between men and women in relationship and knowing them accurately can help you manage the relationship calmly and intelligently:

1- Fear of dependence and loss of control

Some men are afraid of strong emotional dependence even when they are in love. This fear can appear in the following ways:

• reduction of contact and attention
• distance in conversations
• need for more personal space

This behavior does not mean disinterest; Rather, it is an attempt to maintain psychological balance and prevent the feeling of suffocation in the relationship.

What can be done?

Try to show the man you love with the following behaviors that he can calmly make decisions in order to form a healthy relationship before marriage:

• Give him personal space, Without him feeling that you are disinterested in him.
• Instead of constantly controlling or following up, calmly and affectionately show that you are trustworthy.
• Establish non-aggressive and short communication, for example, have short messages and calls without questions or answers.
• Don't ask him, "What do you want me to do?" Instead, suggest, “If you'd like to be alone today, that's fine.”

2- Previous love failure experiences

Men who have love failure or painful experiences in the past usually choose to walk away as a defense mechanism. Their minds subconsciously think that if they get too close, there is a chance of re-injury. This reaction is rooted in the difference between men and women missing in relationship. Men often internalize unresolved feelings and withdraw instead of talking or processing emotions. While women usually tend to deal with the pain of separation by talking and expressing their feelings. This difference in behavior makes the injured man, even in a new and healthy relationship, unconsciously consider withdrawal as the safest way to protect himself.

Another critical factor is past experiences. Many men have had negative experiences in their previous relationships that cause them to withdraw emotionally. Sad events, such as a divorce or a separating relationship, can shake their trust in love and intimacy and cause them to create distance out of fear of further disappointment. The desire for security can lead to instinctive withdrawal. It is important for women to understand this fact and respond with empathy instead of pressuring the man.

Another important factor is past experiences. Many men have had negative experiences in their previous relationships that cause them to withdraw when dealing with deep emotions. Events such as divorce can reduce their trust in love and intimacy, and the fear of repeating disappointment can lead them to distance themselves. Instinctively, the desire for security makes men withdraw. In this situation, women, by understanding this fact and reacting empathetically, can create a safe and supportive environment and not put additional pressure on the relationship. Did?

In such a situation, you should give him peace with your behavior and speech to minimize the fear of past damage:

• Be patient and empathetic, without blaming or reminding of the past.
• Give him a chance to rebuild his trust; Building trust should be small, continuous and tangible.
• Show him that he can count on you with steady and stable behavior.
• Use gentle conversationsabout his feelings, not pressure to recount the whole past.

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3- Pressure of serious relationship responsibility

When the relationship enters a stage where expectations and responsibilities become more serious, some men pull back because:

• Think about financial and emotional commitments They do.
• They are pressured to plan marriage.
• They are more involved in work and family concerns.

What can be done?

You have to act in such a way that the man is sure that everything is manageable. In this way, his distance is reduced and his relationship becomes closer. You should:

• Bring up discussions about the future and commitments gradually.
• Show that you welcome joint planning but allow him time.
• Focus on the present moment and interact positively, not just on long-term commitments.
• Appreciate him for his cooperation and contribution to the relationship. Small encouragements will reduce his anxiety.

4- Inability to express feelings

Many men do not express their deep feelings easily. They may:

• Internalize their feelings.
• Talk less about feeling lonely, their needs and fears.
• Manage their anxiety by distancing instead of talking.

What can be done?

In In this situation, you should make your favorite man trust you and tell you his feelings little by little. In this way, effective communication is formed and distance is reduced:

• Learn to listen actively and without judgment. When a man is talking, don't interrupt him or answer him with advice.
• Use open and gentle questions, for example, "Do you want to talk a little about your feelings?"
• Give positive feedback to his feelings to make sure that it is safe to express emotions.
• Be patient and convey affection and reassurance to him instead of pressure.

5- Conflict between reason and Emotion

Sometimes men have strong romantic feelings, but their intellect warns that the situation is not ready because:

• Fear of marriage or long-term responsibilities.
• Worry about differences in lifestyle.
• They consider the future of the relationship before making a final decision.

What can be done?

In this situation, you should help the man to reach an effective balance between his reason and emotions:

• Be patient and give him time. Rushing and pressure to make decisions can increase anxiety.
• Talk about his fears and concerns calmly, not in a form of attack or pressure.
• Focus on daily communication and positive interaction, not just conflict resolution.
• Show him that he is not alone in making decisions by being persistent and loving. In this way, you show him that you have a supportive role.

6- Unrealistic expectations

If you have high expectations or unrealistic expectations from the man you love, you will put psychological pressure on him. Inability to manage things will cause him to move away from you.

What can be done?

Calmly and without judgment, talk about your needs and expectations. For example, say: "I would like to spend more time together, but I understand that you cannot call every day".

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7- A man focuses on sex

When a man focuses more on the sexual aspect of the relationship and less on There is an emotional or commitment aspect of attention, he may distance himself.

What can be done?

Say clearly but respectfully that the relationship is not just sexual for you and that you need intimacy and emotional attention. If a man does not make an effort to talk and strengthen the emotional relationship, you should consciously distance yourself from him.

8- A man is not in love, he just loves you

Sometimes a man is emotionally interested in you, but he is not in love with you. In this case, he may distance himself because he cannot accept deep commitments or the future of the relationship.

What can be done?

Without blame, ask him how he sees the future of the relationship. If his interest and commitment is limited, continuing the relationship may harm you psychologically.

A man who is only interested, probably does not have a deep emotional attachment and can easily distance himself.

Does all distance mean disinterest?

From Couples Therapy, men's distance does not always mean the love is fading or the relationship is over. In relationship types, especially relationships where feelings deepen or enter a more serious phase, some men unconsciously withdraw instead of expressing their concerns and fears. This distance could be an attempt to manage stress, fear of commitment or even a need for mental renewal, not a sign of disinterest. The main problem is formed when this distance happens without explanation and without dialogue; Where the lack of clear communication leaves the other party confused and anxious.

What is the difference between a man who walks away and a man who has ended the relationship?

For every woman who faces a man's distance, the biggest concern is: "Does he still love me or is the relationship over?" Knowing the signs and patterns of behavior is the key to answering this question.

Signs that the relationship is practically over

When a man ends the relationship, you will see the following behaviors in him:

• Completely cut off contact and attention: He no longer follows you and does not respond to messages or calls.
• Lack of interest in conversations. Personal: Doesn't talk about shared feelings or plans.
• Continuous absence and indifference: Doesn't hear or react even to important moments in your life.
• Perceptible emotional withdrawal: Affectionate gestures, smiles, or attention from before are no longer seen.

Signs that there is still interest

A man who is distant but still interested usually shows behaviors that can be recognized:

• He takes short calls or sends short messages. Even if these types of calls are less frequent, he still follows you and shows attention.
• He is curious about your life, asks about your friends, work or feelings.
• He has indirect support. When he knows you need his help, he helps without any attention.
• Keeps small emotional signs. is. For example, a smile, a joke, or shared interests that still exist.

Men who temporarily distance themselves are usually involved in work, mental or psychological pressures and need time to process their feelings. This distance is short-term, and after a while, the relationship will return to the previous routine with appropriate conversation.

A man who is in love returns to conversation and interaction after a period of distance. From the point of view of relationship psychology, it is more important than "what to do" is "what not to do" because many instinctive reactions unintentionally push the man further back.

What should not be done?

These behaviors do the most damage, even if they are out of love:

Continuous pursuit and asking for explanations

Repeated calls and messages with the theme of "What's wrong?" Why are you cold? It creates psychological pressure and puts the man in a defensive position.

Personal and emotional interpretation of distance

Sentences like "you definitely don't love me anymore" or "I wasn't good enough" increase the anxiety of the relationship and make the atmosphere unsafe.

Threats, aggression or emotional games

Anger to get a reaction, sudden elimination or threats to leave, often It backfires and makes the distance permanent.

Trying to control or change him

Counseling, overanalyzing his behavior, or trying to correct him at this point will only intensify the sense of loss of control.

Remember this key point. He comes back feeling safe.

What is the limit of a healthy distance?

A healthy distance is neither "complete letting go" nor "sticking". A healthy distance means:

• You don't cut off contact, but you don't chase either.
• You let him breathe, but you maintain a sign of interest and respect.
• Your message or call is few, short, calm and non-demanding.

For example, you send this message and behave like this:

I'm busy, I just wanted to say I'm here and I'd be happy if you want to talk."

After that, you wait and don't fill the space with messages.

From the point of view of the couple therapist, this interval is usually not a few anxious hours or a few vague weeks, but a few days to a week or two of calm and stress-free space. Of course, this period of time also depends on the type of relationship and the person's personality.

What behavior increases the probability of the return of the relationship?

The behavior that brings the man back to the relationship is not "insistence"; It is peace and emotional stability. Effective behaviors include the following:

Behavioral stability

Don't be calm today, nervous tomorrow, and cold the day after tomorrow. Stability creates a sense of security.

Non-aggressive and mature communication

If a conversation develops, focus on "how you feel" rather than "accusing him". For example, say "This distance was confusing for me, I would like to speak more clearly." Instead of saying “you always run away.”

Return to quality, not quantity of communication

A short but intimate conversation is more effective than ten stressful messages. You should know what is effective communication and how to create it.

Maintaining self-esteem and personal life

A man feels more relaxed and respected when he sees that a woman has not limited her entire identity to the relationship. Psychologically, a man will approach you again when he feels "this relationship is safe and manageable and not suffocating me".

Constant insults, humiliation or disregard for your feelings are signs of an unhealthy relationship.

Why is staying in a relationship sometimes more toxic than leaving?

You have to accept that not all distance is worth waiting for. When the distance is long, vague and accompanied by continuous indifference; When the conversation doesn't take place and the responsibility for the relationship rests solely on your shoulders, continuing to wait can be exhausting and hurtful. Healthy patience is conscious; No patience that slowly kills self-esteem!

There is an important principle in a relationship that you should not forget:

"More important than his love is your mental health."

A relationship that keeps you in anxiety, doubt, feeling insecure and waiting, even if its name is love, is not a healthy relationship. True love is where there is peace, respect and clear communication along with attachment.

If you have to shrink yourself, keep silent, or wait all the time in order to stay, it is time to take care of yourself instead of repairing the relationship.

A clear criterion for staying in or leaving a relationship

Ask yourself these three questions honestly:

• Does this relationship, along with love, Does it comfort me?
• Is the effort to maintain the relationship two-way or one-way?
• If this pattern continues for another 6 months, will my mental state be better or worse?

If the answers are worrying, staying is no longer romantic patience; Attrition is gradual.

Summary

The reality is that not all distance is a sign of disinterest. Some men withdraw when their feelings deepen, due to fears, mental pressure or inability to manage emotions. In these cases, if the signs of love are still there, conscious patience and a smart approach can help restore the relationship. The most common reasons for a man to distance himself from a lover Solution: Fear of dependence and loss of control Give him space and do not threaten his personal independence. Previous love failure experiences Rebuild trust gradually and without pressure. Inability to express feelings. Ask him simple and non-judgmental questions. Give time for the conflict between reason and emotion to align with emotional and logical decisions. Redefine unrealistic expectations and expectations clearly and realistically. Focus on sex. Clarify emotional and emotional boundaries. A man only feels friendship, not love. He avoids and you consciously tried to save the relationship but did not succeed, this does not mean that you are worthless or that you are a failure. Sometimes it is a sign that this relationship, at this time and with this form of communication, does not have the capacity to continue healthy, and the most important choice is to take care of your mental health and self-esteem.

If you need help regarding the relationship and strengthening it, you can visit the website Dharmankade and consult with the best specialist doctors, including a psychologist have an online consultation. Also, Darmankade has provided you with the possibility to make an appointment with the psychologist of your choice through the online appointment system for a face-to-face psychologist doctor.

Frequent questions

What is the reason for a man to distance himself from a woman? Inability to express feelings or need for mental processing occurs. This behavior is not always a sign of disinterest, but is often a defensive reaction to manage anxiety and maintain psychological control in the relationship. What is the reason for the silence of men in love?

The silence of men in love is often due to the difference between men and women in the relationship. Many men internalize their feelings instead of talking about them. For them, silence is a way to calm down, think and prevent tension, not necessarily a sign of coldness or breaking the relationship.

How do I know if a man's distance is due to fear and pressure or apathy?

If communication is not completely cut off, there is respect and attention, albeit limited, and the man does not run away from the conversation. But if there is persistent indifference and complete disconnection and no desire to clarify, this distance is more indicative of disinterest or the end of the relationship. marriageada | inspirepearls

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