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How to treat our children and be the best parents?
مقاله تخصصی

How to treat our children and be the best parents?

3 months ago
506 بازدید
Mohammad Pirizi

Mohammad Pirizi

Tehran

Counselor and psychologist

How to become the best version of ourselves as parents?... Being a parent is a big challenge that requires constant effort.... To succeed in this path, we don't need to be perfect, because none of us are perfect.... Also, no child is free from flaws and mistakes.... However, we must be diligent in correcting and fixing our child's problems.. Skills.... It should be noted that many of these points may be which are not easy to learn and no one can apply them consistently in all situations.... But even if we can follow only a part of these principles, we are actually moving in the right direction....
How can I establish a better relationship with my child?.. One of the most effective ways to establish a deeper relationship and get to know our child better is playing.. Child-centered games have many benefits for both children and parents.. Research has shown that in strengthening skills social and communicative as well as maximizing a child's developmental potential....the best toys are those that foster creativity and creativity in children....these toys help facilitate conversation and improve relationships between children and parents....also passive and non-social activities such as watching TV should be limited...a mistake that can be devastating Relying on the teachings of education or its side classes alone is equal to the destruction of your child's future.... Be careful that this would be completely true even if we had a wonderful education.... In countries like Austria or Finland that have a good education system, families are still aware of the indirect education of their children and know that the responsibility for proper education is not only on schools and educational centers... Therefore, before enrolling our children in special classes or even high school, we should check whether we ourselves Are we willing to guide the seeds of their minds or not.... Because if not, it is unlikely that our children will be able to make important decisions such as choosing friends or finding interests in the future... Principles of correct child reward.. One of the basic principles for encouraging positive behaviors and correcting misbehavior in children is following a simple rule: Reward good behavior (do it frequently and immediately).... Now let's look at how this should be put into practice.... When we reward a child's behavior, that behavior is reinforced by "positive reinforcement".... Simply put, children learn that they must talk, dress up, share their toys with others, and do small things because they need to get the parents' attention and receive these rewards. enough....this principle even applies to adults....by keeping their jobs, adults earn the rights and appreciation of others (the same reward)....it is natural that most of us would quit if we were not rewarded for our efforts....so rewards reinforce behavior because they increase the likelihood of their repetition in the future...they give....but the question is, What kind of rewards should you use? - Social rewards - Activity reward - Material rewards Social rewards are very effective in reinforcing desirable behaviors for both children and adults. These rewards include smiles, hugs, caresses, kisses, compliments, kind words, eye contact, and attention. Some parents do little in praising and paying attention to their children and may give excuses such as being busy with work or expecting children to perform appropriate behaviors without rewards. This is while children learn and repeat appropriate behaviors. They are rewarded... One important thing is that praise is most effective when used with descriptive praise... Descriptive praise means praising the specific behavior, not the child itself... For example, after your daughter cleans her room, tell her, "Your room is great, you did a good job." This sentence, which is a descriptive compliment, is more effective than a sentence like "You are a good girl". In addition to social rewards, you can also use activities and material rewards such as toys, favorite clothes, etc.. Techniques of saying no to a child If you really want to take care of your child, the art is not to say "no" to every request.. When your child is really in danger or something is completely wrong... The text that you will read below is the words of a high school teenager addressed to his parents.... This text is quoted from the June issue of the family circle magazine and the view of a teenager who considers his parents' behavior to be correct and ignores their faults.... First he explains two important points and then he has some suggestions for parents: **First point:** We teenagers don't always see "no" as a bad thing.... by the way, we like to have limits.... the thought of having to make all the decisions in life is terrifying.... we don't get upset if you sometimes "stop" in front of us... but you might save us from serious problems.... **second point:** We will be happy if your objection is only for important matters...sometimes we purposely cross the boundaries you have set for us to see how serious you are....of course, I do not mean to be inflexible....in minor matters if you drop your objection, we still think of you....but in important decisions never change your mind....your opposition can save us from serious dangers....so please don't even say "maybe" or "let's see what happens"....Two suggestions for Parents 1.... ### Create opportunities to say yes It's always easy to disagree, but sometimes we need your agreement.... Before you disagree, ask yourself three questions: Is this issue so important that I say "no"? If I agree, will I put my child at risk? Do I have a good reason to disagree? 2.... ### Think and explain your opposition We know parents don't have to explain their reasons, but is there really anything wrong with explaining? When you disagree, think first and then come up with a logical reason.... Even saying things like "I need to think a bit" or "I'll get back to you later" doesn't diminish your authority and we don't think you're a weak parent.... We may not understand or accept your explanation.... We may even argue or you have to threaten us, but we'll be glad that you never thought before making a negative decision. be.... The only thing we ask of you is to save saying "no" for important times.... If this word is repeated too much, it loses its effect.... So use it carefully and logically!.. Five senses that you should teach your child ### The feeling of being seen When parents give their child the feeling that he is seen and understood, he will not need to behave abnormally in society as an adult... Children should feel useful by doing things appropriate for their age... Otherwise, they may feel weak and passive... Children should know their changes and progress... This is possible by giving them small responsibilities... ### Feeling of independence Doing all the work by parents takes the child's sense of independence and makes him dependent... Children who do not understand the sense of relationship, in adulthood, have problems in managing relationships and cannot say "no" to others... The effect of parents' emotions on children's mood... It is better for parents to try not to pass on unpleasant feelings to their children... Your current state of mind is a measure of the formation of your child's future state of mind... So pay attention to the feelings you pass on to your child... Do you feel weak and guilty? Do you convey to them or the feeling of strength and self-confidence? Words you should not say to children **1... How many times do I have to tell you?** This sentence is very common.... By doing this, you will only satisfy your need to whine, which definitely does not have a positive result... **2... Don't cry, you will be fine.** When you tell your child "don't cry" it makes him think that showing his emotions is a bad thing.. This sentence is one of the worst sentences you can say to a child who is upset.... This sentence devalues ​​his feelings and makes him stop sharing his feelings with you. behavior in the child... below we mention some of these methods: 1.... ### Humiliate Statements like "You are such a child" or "How rude" make the child feel worthless and feel inadequate.... This kind of talk not only does not build the child, but also destroys his personality... 2... ### Extreme morality Parents who use statements such as "good boys know how to behave better" or "this behavior is not right, you should be like good children" are indirectly putting the child under the pressure of unattainable standards... 3... ### disproportionate expectations based on age Phrases like "don't do that, you're a grown-up" or "that's ugly for your age" may make the child feel that he has to act beyond his natural abilities.... These kinds of expectations sometimes cause stress and fear of making mistakes... 4... ### Expectations based on gender Sayings like "Boys don't cry" or "Girls shouldn't laugh loudly" teach the child to suppress his natural emotions and act according to gender stereotypes... 5... ### Compare One of the most common mistakes parents make is that they compare their child with others... Statements like "Look around you!"... No one behaves like you or "Look how good so-and-so is" makes the child feel worthless and inadequate... 6... ### Devaluing competences If parents don't pay attention to their child's talents and efforts and use sentences like "Hahaha!.. you definitely don't have a talent in art", the child will feel disappointed and lose his motivation to progress.. Love, acceptance and support... romance provides healthy development. Provide suitable solutions for the healthy and successful growth of your children.... With the help of Pirouz Psychology Clinic, you can have a better experience to support and support your children..
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